Hello, people with Internet! Sorry I haven't been posting - crazy teachers assigning homework and me having a life and all. Weird, right? Anyway, to make up for it I'm going to show you probably the funniest book ever. It also has a good lesson for girls so bonus points! (By the way, this really is a girl book. Boys, you might like this, but I kinda doubt it.)
Title: Beauty Queen
Author: Libbra Bray (also wrote Going Bovine, A Great and Terrible Beauty, Rebel Angels, and The Sweet Far Thing)
Summary: Fifty girls go to compete in The Corporation's "Miss Teen Dream" Beauty Pageant, but end up crash landing on an island in the middle of nowhere. Will the beauty queens cave and give up because of weird fruit, eating grubs, and battling giant snakes? Or is this just the thing some of these girls needed to find themselves? And what are these girls to do when a bunch of sexy pirates show up? Worse yet, the Corporation seems to be up to no good.... Will these Miss Teen Dreams survive or will they end up a fabulous disaster?
What I thought of the book: So, so, so good!!! I've read a few of Libba Bray's other works and I'm not that big of a fan or anything, but this was really fun. It wasn't a hard read, but it wasn't at a fifth grade reading level either. Sometimes I thought there was too much going on (the pirates kind of threw me for a bit, but I'm better now), but I think Ms. Bray did a good job of describing what was going on and when. The book was a bit, um, different with a transvestite and a lesbian, but it added character and depth to the story that I thought was very refreshing. Honestly, I think every girl should read this book because of the lesson from the book - just because you're a girl that doesn't mean you are worth any less than a man. (Whoo-hoo, girl power!) To top it all off, this book is just freakin' hilarious. I don't think I can describe it so instead I will show you some examples of the best lines in the book (calm down, I won't give anything away). Enjoy!
"Ahem. Dear Jesus," Taylor intoned more fervently. "We just want to thank you for gettin' us here safe-"
There was a loud, gurgling groan. Somebody shouted, "Oh my gosh! Miss Delaware just died!"
"- for gettin' most of us here safe," Taylor continued. "And we pray that, as we are fine, upstandin', law-adidin' girls who represent the best of the best, you will protect us form harm and keep us safe until we get rescued and can tell our story to People magazine. Amen"
"Hi, y'all! I'm Tiara Destiny Swan from Jackson, Mississippi, which is spelled M-I-double-S-I...um...shoot."
"Tiara..." Adina had lost all steam. "What's your favorite color?"
Tiara's eyes darted left and right in fear and her smile was strained. "Um. Thank you, Fabio. I personally believe that we have a duty such as... as Americans... to help other people who are not Americans such as the peoples of China and the Alaska and the freedoms we enjoy in our great nation and such and that is my opinion which I personally believe will make us a stronger nation. Thank you."
Adina squeezed her hands against her head. "What are you even saying? You just made my brain die a little. You know, people, just being beautiful isn't enough."
Tiara looked confused. "But... it always has been."
(Funny, Tiara sounds a lot like Miss Teen USA South Carolina 2007. Don't know what I'm talking about? Check out this video)
"Hi. I'm from Arkansas, the cantaloupe state. And tonight, I hope you will hold my melons close to your heart and vote me your Miss Teen Dream."
Miss Mexico took a big bite and rolled her eyes in bliss. "OMG, this is so good, I'm not even going to make myself barf it back up."
"They're gonna kill us?" Tiara said. "That's so mean."
Tiara gave a small wave of farewell. "You know what? Dumb is better than dead."
Agent Jones frowned. "Men have feelings, too. You bruised the petals of my man flower."
Well, I hope you are now happy and laughing! This was just a taste of the book - there are many more wonderful and knee-slapping funny quotes that can be found inside the book. Read and enjoy :)
ox, SC
